if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
PANTIES FOUND
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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