I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
