I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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