That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
