Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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