we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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