In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize