i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
