Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
