i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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