Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If I die, sorry about rent.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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