The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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