whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
