Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
