I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
