They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
