I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize