HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
