my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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