Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
