ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
