We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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