did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
