its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
