so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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