I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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