Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
