The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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