Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
That was before I lit my hair on fire
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
