Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
