..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
