I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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