It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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