Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
