he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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