I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My penis needs a shock collar
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
