Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
