we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize