You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
