please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
