fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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