The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize