if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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