i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
