You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize