I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize