Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Dicks are not precious.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
