I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize