i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
