he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
