dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
