She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
