Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
