I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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