I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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