Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize