what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
