No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
