if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
