I wannas sexs uuuuu
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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