i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
be right there i have to get my cape
My vagina just clenched in fear
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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