you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
