No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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