I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
