Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
