I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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