Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
