Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
