The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Small penises have feelings too.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
