I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize