using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
