I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
