Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
