Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
