i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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