Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
NoShamevember. You game?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
