My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
