dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
