Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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